


Echoes of Memories: The Distance Between Stars

by Rochelle_Templer



Category: City Hunter (Manga)
Genre: Gen, Pre-Relationship, references to depression and suicide, references to the anime
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-07
Updated: 2017-07-07
Packaged: 2018-11-29 04:05:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11432784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rochelle_Templer/pseuds/Rochelle_Templer
Summary: While struggling with the loss of an old friend, Ryo decides to spend the evening with his partner....





	Echoes of Memories: The Distance Between Stars

Kaori Makimura sat next to a window in the front room on Ryo’s floor of their apartment building.

Earlier, the two of them had shared a meal in silence and afterwards, Ryo had gone down to the basement under the pretense of wanting time to practice. Kaori knew, however, that the chance to practice shooting was simply another method to spend time alone.

It had been two days since Ryo had faced his old friend, Robert Harrison, in a duel to the death. Despite the fact that Robert had tried to kill Princess Angela, their client, Kaori knew that Ryo did not want to kill his close friend, and she figured that Ryo would try to find some way to get out of actually dueling with him. Even when the two of them moved into position to shoot at each other, she tried to believe that Ryo would find some way out, some way to avoid actually killing Robert. She wanted to think that this would end with minor injuries and forgiveness or at worst sobering bitterness.

She did not want to believe that things would end in tragedy.

Unfortunately, that turned out to be the only kind of ending that could occur. Kaori continued to be grateful that Ryo was only grazed by Robert’s bullet, but her heart was still heavy with regret over the grief evident in Ryo’s features that day. Watching Ryo hold the body of his friend in his arms, Kaori knew that this was something that would leave an indelible impression on his heart….and on hers.

 Kaori sighed and watched the moon begin to rise in the sky. The day after it happened, Ryo had asked to be left alone for a while. Kaori willingly granted his request and tried her best to keep her distance while still trying to be as supportive as possible. She did her normal chores, she prepared meals for him to eat whenever he found the time for them, and she made sure to give him plenty of space. That first night, Ryo did not come back until the early morning the next day. He didn’t say anything about how he had spent that time, and Kaori did not ask about it. Instead she made him breakfast and then watched him walk out the door without another word, disappearing for most of that day too. He did not return before she went to bed, but this morning, Kaori had found him in his bed.

Kaori rubbed her eyes and ran her fingers along the glass of the window. Ryo had stayed closer to home today and had gotten around to eating some of those meals that she had prepared for him, but the silence between them remained unbroken. Kaori longed to put an end to the solitude that they had locked themselves into, but she was unsure of the best way to do it or of how Ryo might react.

A part of her wanted to take him by the arms and shake him out of this gloom. She wanted to tell him that it wasn’t his fault that things turned out the way that they did. She wanted to remind him that Robert had forced his hand and that he had had no choice but to defend himself. Another part of her wanted to wrap her arms around him so she could soothe his heart. She longed to tell him how grateful she was that he was still alive and how much she cared about him. She wished she could find the right words to tell him how sorry she was that he had been put in such a terrible position.

‘ _There can’t be too many things more horrible than having to kill your best friend,’_ Kaori mused. ‘ _Why does Ryo have to suffer this way? He has such a good heart. He does so many good things for the people around him. Why does he have to endure this kind of torment?’_

_‘Why did he have to lose another friend?’_

Kaori tried to blink away the tears that had appeared in her eyes. Even though years had passed, the death of her brother continued to pull at her heart. For a long time, she had not been able to see past her own desolation, but recently she had contemplated that Ryo probably had mourned him as well. Seeing how Ryo reacted to Robert’s death made her wonder how she could have missed his reaction to Makimura’s death.

It wasn’t until this evening that she realized the truth: that he had been strong and kept his grief to himself for her sake.

‘ _Even though I tried to work through my sorrow as best I could, I know that I wasn’t able to keep it all inside. But Ryo…he was always there during that time. Every time I needed him, he was there. Not once did he falter. But…what was the price of that strength? Did he ever have the chance to mourn or was he too busy taking care of me?’_

_‘Is he still carrying that burden to this day?’_

  Despite her efforts, a pair of tears trickled down her cheeks. Kaori wiped them away and took a deep breath. Moments like this made Kaori wish she could do more to support Ryo beyond her work as one half of City Hunter. She wished that she could be Ryo’s partner in many more ways.

“Kaori.”

Kaori nearly jumped as Ryo’s voice broke the silence in the room, and she turned to see him standing in the doorway. She had been so lost in her thoughts; she hadn’t heard him walk in.

“I’m going out,” he said. Kaori cringed inwardly, but did her best to smile.

“I understand,” she nodded. “I’ll make sure to….”

“Will you go with me?” Ryo asked, his voice soft and hesitant. Kaori was startled by his request, but immediately got to her feet.

“Sure, Ryo,” she said, walking over toward him. “Let’s go.”

* * *

 

A few minutes later, the two of them were in Ryo’s Mini-Cooper speeding down the streets of Shinjuku. Neither of them said anything, and that was fine with Ryo.

He watched the lights stream by his window while still keeping his gaze fixed on the road in front of him, his thoughts drifting back to a couple hours previous.

* * *

 

Earlier that evening, he had been sitting in the basement, staring at Robert’s gun, which he had kept before making arrangements to have his body sent back to the United States for burial. His own gun had been sitting beside it, and Ryo had run his fingers along the cold metal.

He couldn’t remember when he had started carrying a gun in his hand. All he knew was that he had been very young at the time. His father had insisted that it was a necessity since they were living in the middle of a war, and to this day, Ryo could not refute his father’s logic. Since then, guns had become a part of who he was and he could not imagine his world without them. They were both his salvation and his curse. They provided protection and danger. Usually, he was able to make peace with this reality, but what happened to Robert acted as a cruel reminder of how the gun he carried was also a beacon for death to invade his life.

Ryo had placed Robert’s gun in a wooden case and placed it in an isolated corner of the armory. He then went back to contemplating his own Colt Python and had held it in his hands.

He thought of Robert and then he thought about Kenny Field, one his other partners when he lived in the US, and about Makimura.  All of them had been close friends, all of them had been his partners in his work…and all of them were dead. Ryo then considered how he had played a hand in all of their deaths. He had shot both Kenny and Robert, and while he had not done the same with Makimura, Ryo continued to be convinced that he was ultimately responsible for his death as well.

Ryo closed his fingers around the barrel of his gun. This gun had been the instrument of destruction for many lives. For years, he had tried to make sure to use this as a force for good, for protection, for justice. Still, he knew that no matter how much he tried, he will never be able to erase all of the terrible things he had done before, and Ryo was beginning to wonder if the deaths of his friends were a sort of penance for all of the evil in his past. He then wondered if there was any way to stop the cycle of death and loss of those close to his heart.

One idea came to him in a flash, and he slowly lifted his gun toward his temple.

It would be easy to shoot. Most of his life had been far from a happy one. Ryo knew that he would have to fight for the rest of his days and that he still probably would never make it to old age. It would be easy to end the struggle here, to put an end to the pain. He could even imagine a perverse sort of satisfaction in being able to know that no one else would ever be able to brag that they were the one to put an end to City Hunter.

Ryo let out a sigh and lowered the gun back down into his lap. He had thought about things like this at other points in his life, but every time he always stopped himself. Whenever he thought about taking his own life, his father’s words echoed in his mind.

“ _The one way, the best way, to honor those whose lives you have been forced to take is to live your own life to the fullest and to the best to your ability. Do not make their deaths into a meaningless gesture.”_

Ryo clenched his hands around his gun and bowed his head. Memories of his father were fraught with regret, anger and hurt, but words like those always reminded Ryo of why he was never able to let go of the bond he had formed with the man who had adopted him after his parents died in that plane crash and he had wandered into a village of guerrillas. Those words were one of the many ways his father had made sure that his son would find the strength to survive no matter how terrible things became in his life.

Ryo put his gun back into its holster and stood up. He looked to the ceiling and a sad smile made its way onto his face. No, he could not kill himself, not with Kaori sitting a few floors above him. He thought about the anguish she would endure if he were to do something like this, and a shiver when through his body. No, he could never do that to her.

Still, for two days he had been trying to find some way out of the despair that he suffered over Robert’s death and had not been able to find a solution. He had tried spending time in lonely contemplation and had tried to drown his sorrow in alcohol and women, but none of it had worked. Ryo was beginning to become desperate for a release and was at a loss to know what he should do.

He walked up the stairs toward his floor and walked into the front room to see Kaori sitting by the window, watching the night sky. He smiled again and leaned against the door frame as he stared at her.

He noted her somber expression, and he wondered what she was thinking about. He then considered the possibility that her mood was not too far removed from his own. He thought about how the two of them shared so much of their lives together and now it looked as if they were sharing in the same melancholic mood.

It was then that he was filled with the need to spend time with her…to have her even closer to him.

“Kaori.”

Kaori had flinched, and Ryo regretted the way he had startled her.

“I’m going out,” he continued. He watched a smile appear on her face despite the traces of tears in her eyes.

“I understand. I’ll make sure to….”

“Will you go with me?”

Ryo swallowed hard as soon as those words left his lips. He wanted her to say yes, but he knew that he couldn’t expect it. After all, he had been so cold and distant toward her the last couple of days. He knew that he did not deserve her company after what he had done.

“Sure Ryo,” she smiled at him. “Let’s go.”

* * *

 

That led to where they were now, traveling aimlessly along the city streets with no destination laid out for them. Ryo glanced over at her and marveled at how the lights from the neon signs had cast an ethereal glow around Kaori. She was so beautiful this way. It was as if she was from another world, a world of innocence and light. A world where love would always be freely given with no thought of selfish interest or desires.

Ryo smiled at her for a second before turning his attention back to the road. He was enjoying having her near him, but he suddenly wanted to get away from this crowd. Soon, an idea came to him, and he steered his car toward some of the side streets. Kaori gave him a quizzical look, but said nothing. Ryo then marveled how much she chose to trust him and how in tune she often seemed to be with his mind and heart.

Eventually he pulled up to a field that rose to overlook the city and parked his car. He then nodded at Kaori and got out to stand next to his car. Seconds later, Kaori did the same and she stood next to him, leaning against the hood as she did.

They watched the twinkle of the lights below them for a full minute before Kaori opened her mouth to speak.

“It’s so beautiful here,” she said. “Seeing the city this way, it’s almost like we are living in a sea of stars and don’t even realize it most of the time.”

Ryo smiled at her words and gazed back at the scenery in front of them. He had to admit that often thought that their lives were spent wallowing in filth, but her statement reminded him of the beauty that life could always bring to the world.

“Ryo, thank you,” she continued. “For bringing me here.”

Ryo felt his heart ache at the sound of her voice. He didn’t understand why she thanked him. He knew that his motives for bringing her along with him had been selfish ones, and he couldn’t see why she should be thankful.

Suddenly a voice inside Ryo told him to give her a real reason to be grateful and he soon found himself moving slightly behind her, putting his arm around her waist, and then pulling her close to him.

“Thank you, Kaori,” he murmured. “For coming with me.”

Kaori gasped at his touch, but quickly relaxed and leaned against him. She rested her head on his shoulder, and Ryo held her closer. He wanted so much to go further than this. He wanted to hold her, to kiss her and to tell her all the things he kept hidden in his heart. But his old fears continued to control him: if she became his lover, she could be in danger, if he told her the truth, she might choose to reject and betray him in the end. No matter how much he wanted more, Ryo could not let himself act on his heart’s desires.

He then wondered if it would always be this way. Would Kaori always be there and yet always be just beyond his reach? Would the two of them continue to be bound and drawn to each other like stars locked in orbit around each other or would they eventually drift away into a cold emptiness?

“Ryo,” she said. “A long time ago, _aniki_ told me about how there are people who believe that when a loved one dies, their soul joins the stars in the skies and they keep watch over us.”

“Is that what you believe?” Ryo asked her. “Do you believe that your brother is watching over us now?”

“I don’t know if he is actually a star,” Kaori said. “But sometimes, I do think that _aniki_ is never far away from us and that he still thinks about us. And maybe, maybe we both have more than one person watching over us. People who were in our hearts and who are still thinking about us.”

“Doesn’t that make you sad?” Ryo asked, arching an eyebrow at her. “To know that all these people are gone and are so far away?”

“No,” Kaori replied. “Maybe it seems like they are far away, but maybe they are like these lights in the city. Maybe they are much closer to us than we think and we just don’t realize how close their stars are to us. When I think about that, I’m happy because I know that I’m never alone.”

Ryo’s eyes clouded with tears for a moment, but he took a deep breath and made sure to keep them hidden. He was stunned at how Kaori had been able to soothe his heart with just a few words, and his wish to love her openly became even more fervent.

Kaori placed her hands over the one near her waist, and Ryo put his other arm around her and held her tightly. She gently caressed both of his hands which were resting against her stomach and the two of them went back to staring at the city lights. Ryo still grappled with his sadness over Robert’s death, but just now, Kaori had finally given him the chance to begin to heal and to find his way back to life.

“And you should know that your partner will always be around too,” Kaori added.

“I know,” he smirked. “Your hammers are sufficient reminders of that.”

“Really?” Kaori frowned. “So why is it that they aren’t enough to remind you to stop being such a idiot all the time?”

“Because usually you are trying to stop a force of nature,” Ryo giggled.

“What, your perverted ambitions?”

“No, my mokkori power.”

“Same thing,” Kaori smirked back. Ryo pouted for a moment, but then squeezed her close to him again. Kaori sighed and leaned back against him.

“You’ll never be alone, Ryo,” she whispered. “I promise.”

Ryo closed his eyes and moved his lips close to her ear.

“Thank you…partner.”

Kaori nodded slightly and became silent again. Ryo then opened his eyes and lifted his gaze back toward the horizon.

Ryo then thanked her again silently. For being a star in his life and for being the light in his heart.

 


End file.
